Remember when I gushed on and on about Twilight and Stephenie Meyer and so good? I'm over it. The supposed last book of the "saga" came out on August 2nd, and I was excited (though not HP excited. Midnight book release parties, I am so over you.), because I had also just read The Host (which was PDG in a bad writer kind of a way). Frankly, I couldn't imagine how Meyer could wrap up the series leaving those of us who loved Jacob happy, and after reading it, I'm here to tell you:
She couldn't. The book was incredibly unsatisfactory. From the marriage of Edward and Bella (marriage? at age 18? Meyer thinks girls will relate to this? I'm 29 and I don't relate to it.) to the bizarro pregnancy that Bella endures (pregnancy at age 18? What, it's better because she's married? No, it's fucked up is what it is.) all the way to the very anti-climactic end (The Volturi seriously just leave? Come on, there's gotta be something better than that.) the book just...well, sucks. It's hard to articulate just how much was wrong with it. The bizarro pregnancy and subsequent attachment of Jacob to the baby was what really fucked it up for me though, because that shit is just creepy. And then, of course, Bella must be turned vampire to save her from the certain death of Renesmee's (OH. MY. GOD. WORST. NAME. EVER.) birth, and obviously she'll be the most poised and controlled newborn vampire ever because it's PRETTY DAMN INCONVENIENT if she's incapacitated for 2 years while her half-vampire, half-human child matures at an accelerated rate. Everything about this book is about making it convenient for the characters to continue on to the happy path that Meyer so desperately wants to cling to. I hate to say it, but this book would have been better if more people died.
I guess my biggest problem was that at 18, Bella acted more like...well, a 50 year old. She's got this kid, she's married, there's no mention of college, really, and she's got this big ol' family. Oh, and her baby is practically engaged, so she's also got a son-in-law. Who used to be her best friend. (That conveniently solved the problem of Jacob's love for Bella, because he now loves the just birthed Renesmee. Puke.) The whole thing got so twisted so quickly that I can't even begin to understand how Meyer thought this would pass muster. I hesitate to ascribe it to her Mormon-ness, but jeez, some of the patriarchal crap in this book sure makes you wonder.
Now, it's entirely possible that the reason I hated this book so much is because I was rooting for Jacob, and turning him into a creepy pedophile-esque baby lover just didn't...work for me. I was still hoping Bella would ditch the creepy condescending vampire and find true love with the better man in the books. I'll never understand why Meyer made Edward so damn unlikeable to you know, normal liberated womanfolks like me. He's not a romantic hero. He's an controlling asshole who insists on marriage before sex and then makes all sorts of plans without including Bella. Sorta Mormon, eh? The thing about Jacob loving Bella is, well, he chose it. Since he wasn't "imprinted" on her, he was just feeling it, and Meyer makes it abundantly clear that choosing is NOT allowed. No no, instead Jacob is forced into some smarmy form of love which is not smarmy according to Meyer because it's not sexual, it's just this thing where they're soul mates, and he'll wait. She just needs to be happy and he'll meet all her other needs until then. Again, PUKE.
Sadly, I don't think I'd want to give this book to a teenage girl. Which means you can't give her the other ones. Here's how disappointing this book really was: when I was reading it on Sunday, I took multiple breaks from it, and pretty much had to force myself to read it. Took me hours and hours--all day, practically. HP 7? Read straight through in a matter of three or so hours. Blargh. It's been leaving a bad taste in my mouth all week. Do yourself a favor and forget I recommended Twilight.
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