Quodlibets

World Monuments may be too SMALL

For instance, the Eiffel Tower.  There's this commercial for some new lap band thingy (called Realize, or something like that, which itself makes me want to puke; as in, REALIZE YOU ARE FAT, FATSO or REALIZE YOU'RE NOTHING UNTIL YOU'RE SKINNY, FATASS), and in the commercial, two (not-very) fat individuals--one woman, one man--are stating WHY they want to have this invasive surgery to artificially kill their appetites, and the man says that he wants to do karate with his daughter.  Leaving aside the fact that fat can't really stop you from doing karate, especially if you are this man's size, my real problem was with the woman's why:  I want to kiss my husband under the Eiffel Tower.  So a) this woman wants to get skinny for a man, and b) she can't fit under the Eiffel Tower as she is?

I forgot.  Paris is only for skinny people.  They won't let you near the Eiffel Tower if you're fat, and watch out for the Louvre and the Orsay too, because those are skinny only zones too.  Better not visit Rome or London either, because if you're fat and you try to kiss someone say, in the forum, or the Tower of London, they'll kick your fat ass right out.

And as for the man thing, well, that's tricky, isn't it?  One of the things you're not supposed to say about accepting yourself is that it's easier if someone (and I'd say it doesn't have to be a man, but in my situation, it is a man) loves you for you, however you are.  It's like this big thing--women should be independent of men especially--and if you say something against it, you're not a feminist.  But the thing of it is, it's a LOT easier to love yourself when someone else obviously loves your body.  There's no other way to say it, but it's true.  I'm sure it's not like that for everyone, but I couldn't feel the way I do right now if I didn't have Sam in my corner adoring me. 

The thing about the commercial is, it's subtly saying that men will like you better if you're skinny.  Which is, frankly, the biggest load of bullshit ever.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again:  it's not like all fat people are disastrously alone, all the time.  It's not like fat people aren't getting laid left and right.  I think that any sort of generalization about what men will like best is bullshit, because all men (and women) like different things.  I'm sure some men only want to kiss skinny women under the Eiffel Tower, and probably some only want to kiss red-haired girls and some only want to kiss smart girls and some only want to kiss girls who laugh at their jokes and some only want to kiss girls who like science fiction movies.  People like different things.  Maybe the chick in the commercial has a husband who doesn't love her the way she is.  But then dude, don't have surgery.  Leave the asshole.  You shouldn't marry a guy who doesn't love you for you.  I know that's reductionist, it's way reductionist.  But....if the shoes fits....

Anyhow, the commercial really bothered me.  It made me sad.

She's from Chicago!

Yay Stephanie Izard! 

I'm so happy she won Top Chef last night.  (I was going to write "I can't even tell you", but the fact is, I can tell you and I plan on doing so.)

Not only is Stephanie a Chicago chef (and as far as I hear, she doesn't plan on leaving), but she's a woman.  I cheer for the first woman Top Chef, and I wish people understood how the chef profession is still inordinately dominated by men.  There's this HUGE divide between cooking and being a gourmet chef, and the chefs?  They are almost all men.  If you follow the food world at all--and maybe if you don't--tell me that the chefs you think of immediately aren't men.  I read food blogs and foodie books like crazy, and all the top chefs are men.  The ones I can think of are men.  Cooks are women, and they do things like Rachael Ray and Sandra Lee (BARF!), using canned soup and baby carrots to make a delightful meal in 30 minutes. 

The innovators are men.  The people who tough it out in hot kitchens are men.  And there is PREJUDICE, people.  Top Chef (the show) finds a mix of men and women chefs, but the fact is, most of the guest judges are men, and every year until now, a man has won.  It is what it is.  But I really hope that Izard's win does something for the advancement of women in the kitchen.  In the PROFESSIONAL kitchen. 

As for me, I can't WAIT to try her restaurant, just as soon as she gets that sucker open.

Sappy Entry Ahead

 One of things I always remember around this time of year is the mix CDs that Sam made me during our dubious courting period.  (Were we courting?  Not intentionally on his part, most likely.  And I was just doing my best to build a friendship with him and hoping it might push us further.  You decide what that's called.)  He made me at least 8 or 9, and those mix CDs continued on into the years of our relationship, though I'm sad to say that at 6 years in, they've essentially disappeared, as has the CD in general.  We've made some iPod mixes together for some dinner parties we've had, but otherwise, no mixes.  And of course, I've been going through a rough music separation the past few months.  (It seems to be getting better, thank the good Muse Euterpe.)  But when I think back to those early days of the relationship (and last days of the friendship w/o the relationship), it's hard to forget the music.  One of the last big things we did together before the kissing started was a Beth Orton concert--so good--and afterwards, on the train home, I put my head on his shoulder and wondered if a) he minded and b) OH MY GOD WHAT DID THIS ALL MEAN.  I remember looking around that concert at all the couples and just....wishing that we were one of them.  To the best of my recollection, that night was 5 nights before we embarked on this crazy undertaking.  I got my wish.

Six years ago today, in fact, I got my wish.  And when I think of the songs that Sam gave me on those mixes--"Teardrop" "Remember the Mountain Bed" "There is a Light" to name just three--it's easy for me to understand just how much of a gift Sam has been in my life.  Those songs are teeny tiny things he's given me, songs that I love and would easily consider putting on the 100-song mix of my life, if such a thing existed.  All the other intangible things, the things you can't listen to, the things you can't understand no matter how many times I explain them, well, those things are present every single day between us, and those are things that fuel my enduring, everyday understanding of his great, beautiful presence in my life.  The songs are simply one of the smallest ways to listen to that beautification.

After six years, I still get excited when I see Sam walking towards me in a public place.  I still love to curl into his arms at the end of a long day.  After six years, he's still a pleasure to come home to.  He's a little-complaining, stoic, easy-going man.  He's my little-complaining, stoic, easy-going man, and I love him every day for it.  I think I thank him every year on our anniversary, because I don't want him to ever not know how grateful I am for all those graces, and this year, I'd like to add a thank you for the music, too.  Because it's that music that he gave me six years ago that's slowly bringing me out of my music coma.

Thank you, Sam.  I love you.

Pedestrian

One of the things the city has done in my life is changed the way I drive.  I take it for granted that people will drive through a red light; when the light turns green, best to hesitate a bit.  I mean, hell, I go through red at times.  There's nothing like a six-way intersection at rush hour.  It's a given.  I also have NO patience for bad drivers (Ok, that's not a change.), and in the city, especially where Sam and I live, there's quite a lot of touristy travelers looking for parking.  Thus, bad driving. 

I've seen some mind boggling things, though.  I've almost been crashed into too many times to count in places where those sorts of things shouldn't happen.  People running stop signs--buses more than once--and merging without checking any mirrors or looking back at all.  Just the other day, I saw a guy at a full stop at a stop sign (NOT pulled over) talking on his phone, while everyone around tried to figure out what the hell was going on.  I see more bad phone driving than I can even talk about.  I don't think you need to talk on the phone on your commute.  And if you do, maybe you should get a headset.  I mean, the number of people with their phone stuck to their ear at 6:45 am is shocking.  Traffic is....bad.  And it's bad because (at least partly, maybe mostly) people just aren't paying attention.  I see it every day.  I'm sure I do things too, but I can tell you that I'm not merging without looking, and I'm not talking on my phone during the commute.  EVER.  The only time I ever pick up my phone in the car is to a) call Sam when I'm first leaving somewhere or b) call Sam when I'm almost home and I need help getting shit upstairs.  And sometimes I call my sis to tell her I'm at her place, but then I'm stopped anyway.  I don't know, it's just disheartening.  I feel so defensive as a driver.  I feel worried for my safety sometimes.

The other driving thing that's bothering me lately is the pedestrian thing.  But not in the city.  In the suburbs.  And not as a driver, but as a pedestrian.  People in the suburbs consider the walker to be a target; they consider the walker to be worthy of disdain, and there's no such thing as "pedestrians have the right of way", even though by law, they do.  I can't tell you how many times I've crossed the street to get to the lot where my car is parked and had some asshole gun their car around me or act like an asshole and gesture at me.  And it really gets me when it's raining or snowing and drivers can't have the decency to let someone cross the damn street to get to their car.  I'm getting wet, buddy.  It happened today.  Some dude in a yellow flashy sports car sped up WAY too fast for being less than 50 yards from a stop sign, and he did it because he had to slow down slightly as I finished walking across the street.  I don't get it.  I don't get how rude people are these days.  Maybe that makes me seem old, but it seems like people of all ages are just...rude and unethical these days.  I don't know, maybe the driving brings it out.

X-stitch for Sunday

In this picture, you can see the massive amount of back-stitching I've got done.  Not sure if I'm being sarcastic?  Me neither.  I've been backstitching quite a bit, but it's time consuming to do it, and I've had some BAAAAD luck with knots and such.  It does make the side of the house really pop, and I'm really excited to keep going.  There's been a bit of a renewed interest in the project since I started the backstitching, but I still think that I'm not going to finish until the end of the summer.  The summer is busy, man.  I don't have as much sitting around time.  There's no football to watch.

Whither the frontman?

Oh my oh my, there is SOMETHING about Michael Stipe that sets my heart aflutter.  We saw REM last night at the UC, and the show was really, really wonderful.  Sam and I saw them three or four years ago and were left kinda cold, but last night was so much better it's like we saw two different bands.  Michael Stipe was just ON.  He had on this incredible suit, and his voice is seriously still very, very good for a 48 y.o.  I feel like I can't use the word very enough, because it was just a very, very kind of night.  For me, the highlight of the entire show was "Find the River" followed by a stripped-down acoustic version of "Let Me In."  "Find the River" is definitely one of my very favorite REM songs, possibly in the top 10.  Maybe even the top 5.  (Although, choosing a favorite REM song is ever so hard, since they have 40 million albums out.)  And I know my sister was so happy to hear "Let Me In," which is her very favorite REM song.  (For those who don't know, it's the song Michael Stipe wrote for Kurt Cobain; it's on Monster.)  And I can't deny that "Losing My Religion" is always good.  There's one case of a single being well-worth the hype.

There was one other wonderful moment, at the end of the concert, when Stipe was talking about loving Chicago--and I think the crowd could see where this was going--when he was talking about the energy crackling around Chicago these days.  He then thanked Chicago for Barack Obama, and put an Obama pin on his suit.  He sounded so happy (and he even said, later, "I'm so fucking happy" referring to Obama's nomination as the Dem. candidate), and he seemed so sincere.  The crowd went pretty fucking insane at that point (though I noted some non-cheerers around us; then again, the people in front of Sam and I didn't seem excited by ANYTHING that happened during the show.  I wonder why they were even there?), and I yelled a bit, as did my sis.  Sam, as you might have guessed, is kind of a non-yeller.  Either way, it was kind of lovely.  I enjoyed it.

One thing I WAS thinking about for much of the concert was the dearth of non-music-playing frontmen these days.  Most lead singers strap on an instrument these days, and at least pretend to play.  But the Michael Stipe-esque lead singer seems to be going the way of the music business.  It seems it's no longer respectable to helm and band and NOT play something.  Here's who I thought of:  Mick Jagger (who's 90 million years old), Scott Weiland, Anthony Kiedis and Robert Plant.  And two of those guys, like I said, are ancient.  I guess there are some women who still front bands without playing, but the two I thought of off the top of my head, Delores O'Riordan and Jenny Lewis, strap on guitars and attempt to play, anyway.  So I don't know, but I do know that watching Michael Stipe is mesmerizing, and I love it.  He's magnetic.  He's compelling. 

(PS--REM, please give more songs to Rock Band.  Thanks!)

In Florida, there are bugs. Bugs that bite.

So, yeah, Sam and I went to Florida for a few days.  It was only possible because my dad has a house down there and was generous enough to allow us to use it.  And helped in other ways too.  So that was nice.  Without him, we literally would not have had a vacation.  We would have taken the days off, and then sat in Chicago looking at each other and bitching about how we didn't have anything to do.  All in all, Florida was a good thing. 

I have some sort of abiding affection for Florida, and there's not really a reason.  We didn't travel there when I was a kid, not like some families did.  I have no relatives there (my relatives having chosen Arizona as the place), and even though Disney is there, it's not just Disney I like.  And really, logically, I should hate Florida.  The weather is atrocious if you have hair that puffs up at the first sign of a little wet air.  And it's HOT.  Sure, it has a nice winter weather thing going on, but man, when we were there, it was just....hot.  I'm extremely sensitive to weather, so the heat and me just don't get along.  Nonetheless, I like Florida. 

This vacation was relaxing to the extreme, involving laying by the pool, eating lots of meals out, and seeing a couple of movies in three days.  Very nice.  We saw a sunset over Captiva, and we just spent time goofing off in the pool.  Perfect couple bonding.  Loved it.

Oh right, minus the bugs.  In itch news, the bites are still red and hard to the touch.  They itch still, quite a bit right now, in fact.  I think it might be the heat.  I'm not sure.  I've been taking benadryl to sleep, and using cortaid (though it's ability to mitigate the itch is slim) and trying very hard to not wear clothing that rubs the itch.  Capris?  No good.  3/4 length sleeves?  No good.  Flannel pajama pants?  Tragically bad.  I'm hoping they start to go away before next week, or I think I'll have to go to the doctor.  I can't believe how many I have.  Five days in, and I think I've got at least 50.  Where I thought there were 5 or 6 on my right leg, there's probably 10.  And so on.  This itching is for the pits.  Next time I go stand on a beach, I'm taking 3 different insect repellents. 

Itch Update

Still finding bites all over my body.  Wait, scratch that (ha!).  On all the parts of my body that didn't have clothing on them during our beach night.  Which on a hot FL night is almost everywhere.  I also found 6 bites along my lower back, where obviously my shirt had gaped or ridden up enough to let some bugs in. 

My mom suspects that the biters were no-see-ums.  If you get enough no-see-um bites, you can have kidney failure from the toxins. 

Whatever.  I only know that the Aveeno anti-itch I bought today isn't helping all that much.  The bites on my feet are by far the worst.  Sigh. 

I'm ready for the itch to abate now.

It is 4:30 am.  3:30 midwest time.  I am not supposed to be awake.  I am supposed to be sleeping for another 45 mintues.  But I have been awake already for 30.  Why am I awake at this ungodly hour?  I am awake because of the itch.

I have never felt so uncomfortable but not in pain.  I'm not sure that itch has ever kept me awake before.  The problem areas currently are my right knee, my right upper arm and elbow area, my back (an area I cannot reach to scratch, so which is pure, unscratched itch), and my feet.  My feet are perhaps the worst; they are calling a siren song to itch that I almost cannot keep my hands off of.  The itch on my feet is different, because it is from a different source.  We went to a beach on Saturday night to watch a sunset over the Gulf, and I went onto the beach.  Without shoes.  And something bit me.  A LOT.  There are tiny bites of some sort all over my feet.  Because if there is something to do biting, it will bite me.  Rest assured, if you are near me, you will most likely barely get bitten.  I am a bite magnet.  A biting bug magnet. 

These insidious biting bugs are now keeping me awake, thus reaffirming my suspicions all along:  beaches are bad.  Very, very bad.  I shall henceforth renew my vigilant avoidance of them.  Honestly, I do believe that were it possible, I'd simply strip the skin from my body and leave it in a pile in Florida.  I'm that uncomfortable.  It may seem a mite dramatic, but keep in mind, I am being kept awake by the itching attached to this skin.  It's so very bad.

I am going to try to read for the next little while before I have to resume packing to go home.  And I am going to try very hard to pretend there is no itching.  It is probably a losing fight.

What rock has Dana Carvey been under?

Dude, the MTV movie awards generally suck, but I have to admit that the Wayne's World reunion happening onstage at this moment is quite interesting.  Are the people watching MTV even old enough to have been around when Wayne's World was on SNL?  Or even when Wayne's World the movie came out?  Because man, I saw that shit twice in the theaters.  TWICE.  Where did they find Dana Carvey?  I mean, shit, I haven't seen him in ages.  Rock on, maybe they'll make another movie. 

Anyway, that's not what this blog post was supposed to be about, but I was momentarily stunned by Dana Carvey.  No, this post was going to be about the body-eating rash that has colonized my body.  I'm itchy in any place sunscreen was applied and sun hit.  It seems to be particularly bad on my chest and back.  My back is screaming right now.  But my legs are itchy too, and instead of any color, I've got red BUMPS all over me.  It's insanely awful. 

I'm thinking that the combination of pool chemicals, sun and sunscreen is a cocktail my increasingly sensitive skin simply CANNOT handle.  We did purchase a new sunscreen, but only sort of.  We bought spray-on Aveeno, instead of the actual lotion sort of Aveeno, and maybe that was the problem.  Although I'm sure I remember having this problem with every sunscreen I've ever used.  I'm seriously just allergic to whatever is in sunscreen.  Which makes swimming pointless.  Oh, and every other outdoor activity ever.  I think I'll go back to Neutrogena on my next sunny trip.  Not that it will do any good.  I'm sure I'll keep being rashy and itchy when I do the sunscreen/sun thing.  Again, extremely inconvenient.

But other than the itchiness, this little trip has been quite nice.  Relaxing and restoring; my body's state seems to have stabilized some, thank god.  And I'm ready to be home now.  Home sounds good.