Sometimes it totally sucks that I'm not a crappy person. I mean, if I were a crappy person, then I could be sucky at my job, and thus spend more time doing the same amount of things I'm doing now. Hell, if I were a crappy person, I wouldn't even being doing all the jobs I'm doing now (and trust me, I am like the catch-all clerk here at the library--don't know who should do a job? Hell, give it to me.), because they couldn't be entrusted to me. I'd already be so swamped from my job that I'd shudder to take on any other tasks. But since I'm basically a competant person, the kind of person who is actually uber-competant, I get screwed. I'm being pushed and pulled and heaped on, because it looks like I do nothing all day. I assure you, I do things. I do a lot of things, every day. But I'm so freaking good at them that it seems like I do nothing.
I know there's no job in the world that will just let me be, and do my work in my own time. I'm pretty sure that most jobs will want me to look busy when I'm not. And I'm not sure what kind of job it would take to fill my time. I've pondered that--how much would I actually have to take over here before I was actually stretched and challenged? And the answer is, I don't know. Possibly one of the processing jobs in back, or all of the ILL plus what I do now. That might do it. But I can't believe this library would expect me to take over all of the ILL--something the head of department does now--and not pay me more. Which they wouldn't. I'm sorry, it's not like they're asking me to take over ILL. It's just that they keep adding tasks to my workload, trying to fill my days, and it's desperately not working. And now they want to change things even more, and they want to fuck with my workday, and that means my commute gets worse. I'm not sure how much I'll change, not really. I can't become less competant overnight so that I look busier. And I've tried REALLY hard to stretch tasks out, but it's just not possible for me. I can't do it. I'm too damn ethical to read or internet surf while there's work to be done.
It's such a sad state of affairs. It's actually so sad that it's making me teary. I don't want things to change from how they are, not if it means more scutwork that other people can't handle and a fucked up work schedule. That's just going to make me more miserable, and that's going to lead to me leaving this job. I wish I knew how this gets resolved.
30 min later: You know what this is? This is me feeling like I'm being punished for being a good worker. I'm sorry other people suck at their jobs, but you can't punish me by giving me the work they should be doing. And that's 100% what it feels like, and no one likes to be punished, esp. people who are doing an exemplary job. It sucks. The people who suck should be disciplined, not me. And they aren't, because they've been here so long they've off limits. Nice, eh? I'm not going to stop being upset and pissed about this. I can already feel it growing into a cancerous tumor, and that's really not good for anyone's health.
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