Quodlibets

Bullet Thoughts

1.  S sold his car yesterday.  We've decided very firmly that we're staying in the city, at least for the forseeable future, and we just don't need two cars if that's the case.  We're talking about buying, which I think I mentioned, and we can't afford two garage spaces, and he doesn't drive anywhere anyway.  We couldn't store his car in my mom's garage indefinitely, and a buyer basically fell into our laps.  (The girlfriend of a friend of my little brother.)  He got an okay price, for the car, considering it has no driver-side mirror, and it's a basic Honda Civic that's seven years old.  It kept half its value, though, and there were so few miles on it, people think the odometer is wrong.  (It isn't.)  It's money he can really use, so it's good.  He told me he felt a little weird about it, last night, after the transaction was complete, and I can totally understand, because I can't imagine living without a car, even in the city.  But I mean, he has a car.  He has mine.  And if he needs it, he'll mostly (unless I'm at work) be able to use it.  It was a leap, and I'm really proud of him for taking it.  I can't imagine but that in the long run, it will be seen as a good move.  Now we are a one car household--and a one hybrid car household.  I couldn't have imagined a better scenario two years ago if I tried.

2.  My best friend from high school is getting married.  She just got engaged over the weekend.  And I'm happy for her, I really am.  But the feelings are more complicated than just happy.  She was my first, closest friend.  I probably have only had two other friends as close, if you don't count S.  And I'm not in touch with them anymore, so she is this weird little chunk of my past, and whatever is between us now, I did clearly love her very intensely once upon a time.  Regardless of the fact that I don't love her like that now, those sorts of feelings don't ever really go away.  Anything I ever felt for her is muted now, but still there.  So when I say I'm jealous of her now, I want you to understand that it's a very muted jealousy, a jealousy that owes more to the past than the present, and a jealousy borne out of the knowledge that the life she is living isn't for me anymore than my life is for her.  Still.  I can't help but feel that little frisson of passionate longing for the things she's having now.  But it's the high school me that's longing for those things; it's the high school me that's still in me; it's the high school me that I sort of become when I'm reminded of us. 

I was certainly jealous of her, painfully jealous, in high school.  It's taken me a long time to see our relationship like that, to see it as very unequal in terms of what the two of us had.  I can't say for sure, but I imagine there were some things about me that she was jealous of.  I don't know that she would call it painful jealousy, but mine was, so that's that.  Quite a few of my relationships with straight women have involved jealousy, and I think it would be mutual jealousy, and that's not to diminish the friendships, but it's just the dynamic I've most often found.  It's definitely due to my nature as a jealous, envious person.  Like is drawn to like?  Either way, I'm not jealous now, and haven't been for quite a long time.  Somehow, you're allowed to develop some slight bit of perspective when you leave high school, and that's definitely happened to me.  I don't want what she has, and I know it.

But this is new, right?  This whole one of us getting married thing.  I'm currently pretty ambivalent about marriage, but the high school me wasn't.  The high school me saw that as a major part of her life--a big dress, a man, kids maybe--and the fact that I don't now doesn't diminish that little spark of jealousy.  Jealousy that she's doing it first, and that no doubt she will choose an absolutely gorgeous dress and look stunning in it, and that the whole thing will be as perfect as she can get it to be.  This whole thing, of course, is utterly at odds with my own vision of any wedding I might choose to have now, but...I can't get away from it.  I'm 100% sure it will fade quickly, and I won't feel green for very long, but it's where I am right now.  And to say that I don't like feeling like this would be an understatement.  These are very uncomfortable feelings.

Plant or Animal

There is something seriously wrong with the song "You Shook Me" by Led Zeppelin, and that something that is seriously wrong is the call and response portion of the song, when Robert Plant answer the guitar with his own yowly voicework, and that yowly voicework manages to simultaneously sound like a guitar and like a dying animal in a way that a guitar doesn't.  It's damn frightening.  It can be seriously jarring in a situation like the one that just happened:  you're sitting at your desk, herding your virtual villagers to farm faster, keeping an eye on your email, all the while listening to the iPod on the big shuffle.  Maybe you're hearing some Keane, some Ani, and even some Led Zeppelin.  You know, whatever.  But then "You Shook Me" comes on, and suddenly you're jarred out of pleasant thoughts of island life by this preternatural wailing.  Back to work.  Herding islanders.

(The title of this post is a reference to a fake game show that was on SNL or some show like that; the game show was called Plant or Animal, and it involved playback of a sound, and the contestants had to choose Robert Plant or an Animal as the originator of the sound.  At least, I'm reliably certain no actual game show would do this.  Regardless, S and I reference this game show bit about once a month, I'd say, and sometimes more.  When we were in the car more, I think we probably referenced it more, because we had more time together listening to music, and Zeppelin is one of the very few things we almost always agree on.  Plant or Animal is harder than you think, by the way.)

Gargh

I have scandal fatigue.  I know this is wrong, but I am so sick of hearing about all the bad things that Bush and his cronies are doing.  Were doing.  Have been doing.  I'm not surprised, and every time something comes out and everyone acts all shocked, I get even more sick of it.  The Walter Reed thing?  Not shocking.  Clearly, Bush and his buds don't care about the troops, and that's been clear to me from the beginning.  They show a callous disregard for the lives of human beings, and I know this because they sent 3,000-some Americans to die for an illegal, ill-conceived, false war.  If Bush cared about troops, he'd fight wars that are actually important, but instead he chose this one, which is insane.  (To be quite honest, I'm not sure there are any important wars anymore; I hover around pacifism most days.  But still, I could have supported more action in Afghanistan, since that's where al Queda was at least head-quartered there.  Regardless, this isn't REALLY about the war.)

And the justice department thing going on now?  Can't say I'm surprised.  I think it's probably scary to know how many laws have been broken by Bush & Co; I'm not surprised that they used the justice arm of the law to do their dirty Republican bidding.  It's despicable, and it's loathsome and it's shameful.  Any more words like that you'd like to add?  It corrupts the very idea of this country in ways I can't begin to express--to use LAW wrongly to further political aims--but in ways that make me want to puke every time I read or hear something about it.  But again, it's not so much surprising, because these guys have been shits ever since they stole the first election, and if anyone is really surprised, I'll then be surprised. 

People just keep acting outraged, and keep saying things like, "This is the last nail in the coffin," but I'm pretty sure that's just like the Republican machine saying that we've turned the corner in Iraq and Bush saying all those months ago that the Mission was Accomplished.  Clearly not, and I fear, clearly not.  I'm not really a big believer in impeachment, mostly because I'm terrified of what comes after Bush for the next two years.  But either way, this administration will most likely go down as one of the most corrupt in the modern era.  I think it should, if it doesn't.

Oh, and that Halliburton thing?  Yeah, if a company isn't operating in the US, and for shady, shady reasons, then I think it's time that the government stops awarding them lucrative payments for services never rendered.  In fact, I think it's time to stop paying them, point blank.  It is also sickening.  I can't believe how greedy all those fucks are.

Sigh.  That's about all the outrage I can muster.  I'm tired.  Tired of scandals.

Harry Potter Meme

S sent me this meme from one of his MySpace buddies.  Please, Harry Potter nerds, do this meme with me.

1. Favorite Harry Potter movie- I don't really have one.  I don't love them.

2. Favorite Harry Potter book- Goblet of Fire, hands down.

3. Least favorite Harry Potter movie- All?

4. Least favorite Harry Potter book- Chamber of Secrets.

5. Favorite Harry Potter Character- Hmm, that's hard.  I like Ginny a lot.  She's plucky and smart.  I also like Hermione, for much the same reason.  And...I love Ron, in the movies.  Ron might be the only good part of those movies.

6. Least favourite Harry Potter Character- I hate Snape.  I have no use for someone who pretends to be bad.

7. Spell, Charm or Hex you most wish you had the ability to perform- Also hard to answer.  I wouldn't mind being able to transform myself into say, a cat.

8. Reason for desiring to perform said Spell, Charm or Hex- I don't know, it seems like it might be interesting.  Except for the pooping in the box thing.

9. If I were in Hogwarts, my house would be- I want to say Ravenclaw, but we all know I'm a Hufflepuff.

10. If I played Quiddich, my position would be- I'd be in the crowd. Duh.

11. My favorite Hogwarts subject would be- Oooh, I don't know.  If the history professor wasn't so bad, maybe history.  Or....Hagrid's class, Care of Magical Creatures.  I like....creatures.

12. After graduating Hogwarts, my magic profession would be- I think I might like to teach.  I could be the Hogwarts Librarian.

13. Harry Potter character you would most like to snog- How about one of the of-age Weasley boys?

14. Magical creature you would keep as a pet- Well, cats aren't really magical, but I'd really love a cat. 

15. Favorite method of magical transportation- Hogwarts Express!

16. Make up a spell, complete with name and function- Smarticus.  You could intone it over a book and suddenly know everything in it.  So...yeah, I'm a nerd.

17. Person I would most like to use the Confundus Charm on-  Erm, which one is that?

18. Person I would most like to use Avada Kedavra on- Uh...only spiders.

19. Person I would most like to use the Cruciatus Curse on- How about nasty bugs?

20. Person I would most like to use the Imperious Curse on- More bugs?

21. Person I would most like to use the Entrancing Enchantment on- Well, I wouldn't like to use that.  I don't want fake love.

22. If God could do magic, would he be better than Dumbledore?- Um, that presupposes that God exists, which as he doesn't, makes Dumbledore the default winner.

True or False questions- (answer honestly)

23. I have read all (so far) 6 Harry Potter books- True

24. I have pre-ordered book 7- True (and if you haven't, dude, get on it.)

25. I have re-read all (so far) 6 Harry Potter books- False.  I haven't re-read the last one.  I don't know if I can.

26. I own all the Harry Potter DVDs- False.  In fact, I own none.

27. I own a wand- False.  Unless a mascara wand counts.

28. I know magic- False.  I am blindingly normal.

(Questions 29 and 30 were lame, so they're heretofor redacted.)

31. I have at one point had an inappropriate crush on Hermione Granger (girls are encouraged to answer too)- False.  I'm too old for that shit.

32. I am Lord Voldemort- False.  Not quite.

33. I have lost sleep due to reading Harry Potter books- True.  So true it's sad.  I finished...five....in one night.  That meant very little sleep.

34. Harry Potter's witchcraft has possessed my soul and now Jesus hates me because I read Harry Potter more than the bible- Listen.  IF Jesus is this magical wonderful God-being, which lots of people think he is, then I don't think he's up in heaven hating on people because they enjoy being literary.  No, I think Jesus loves HP as much as we do.

So yeah, was that lame?  I don't know, it was kinda fun.

Every Friday Morning at My College Library

Every single morning, someone from campus food services brings over two carafes of hot, fresh coffee to replace the stale, cold coffee from the day before.  She also brings an assortment of fresh baked goods, and sodas and chips to replace whatever has sold the day before.  This happens at approximately 8:32 every morning; the library opens at 8 a.m.  I have this conversation with the same student every Friday:

Him:  I'd like coffee and a muffin, please.
Me:  Okay, but the coffee isn't fresh yet.  It's still last night's coffee.
Him:  *stares me down, like his eyes boring into me can make the coffee suddenly fresh*
Me:  I'm sorry, but the coffee doesn't come until 8:30 or later.
Him: ..........
Me:  Do you want last night's coffee?
Him:  *snidely* I guess I'll have to go where the coffee is fresh.
Me:  Ok.  Sorry.

Now, this wouldn't be so bad if it didn't happen EVERY goddamn Friday, but it does.  I've told him the same thing EVERY Friday, and every Friday, he seems to hold it against me, as if I'm telling the food services lady to not come until later, so that he then has to go to the coffee bar in the student center (a nationally recognizable coffee chain that serves the exact same coffee we do), which is literally less than a minute's walk from here.  And the worst part?  It's not like he actually wants to be in the library, because he doesn't come back on Friday mornings.  I see this kid in the library all the time.  ALL THE TIME.  But not Fridays, because after we have our coffee discussion, he leaves, and doesn't come back all morning.  I presume he's stopping in here to pick up coffee before class, but what I don't understand is why he doesn't just stop at the student center on his way to class.  Buildings here?  All about two minutes walk from each other.  The student center is also centrally placed, as student centers usually are. 

I'm telling you, if I have this conversation next Friday, I'm going to scream.

This one REALLY makes me look like a loser

No, really.  What I'm about to say is going to damn me to the Nerdy Nerd Hall of Fame. 

See, I have this *thing* for Ken Jennings.  It's not sexual, so get your heads out of the gutters, perverts.  It's just that I find him fascinating, and sadly, funny.  I think I can honestly say that I didn't see any of his Jeopardy! appearances, but you know, I don't live under a rock.  I knew what was going on while it was going on.  (Actually, I adore Jeopardy, and if it weren't for my legendarily bad coordination, I think I could kick some Jeopardy ass.  I don't watch Jeopardy because it's on at a very bad time in the Chicago market.  I should probably just Tivo it, because I'm pretty sick of 90210 now, and I need something to put on the TV when I get home from work.  It's my best de-stressor.  And at least Jeopardy would feed my mind.)  I'm not sure why I started being interested in Jennings, but it's a recent thing.  I think it's only since he's started blogging that I've started being interested.

I just read his book, which was actually incredibly enjoyable.  I can't help it; the more I read about him, the more he seems like a normal, stand-up kinda guy, the kind you might joke with in the office, or something like that.  Something innocuous.  He just seems so harmlessly self-deprecating, and his worldview is just...funny.  The thing is, he's a Mormon, and while I'd like to stress that I've known at least two other Mormons (that isn't a joke), both of whom were uber-cool, uber-liberal people, I still consider Mormons to be partaking in a delusion that's possibly even worse than other religions (except for Scientology, if you consider that to be a religion) because hello?  Mormons believe things that are patently, completely disproven.  And those things they believe in?  They're very, very laughably weird.  I'm not trying to disparage Ken Jennings, (or the rest of you uber-cool Mormons!) but it's not quite working right in my head, the whole idol-worship of a guy who clearly gets facts, and yet....doesn't get them.

Now, if I've alienated enough people, either because they're Mormon, or because they're scared of me because I really enjoy Ken Jennings, I'm going to go back to lamely browsing the internet, and likely end up reading lots of NFL gossip and opinion articles.  (What do YOU think of the Thomas Jones trade?  How about the Lance Briggs stunt?)  Yes.  Yes I am a loser.  And I kind of like it.

Le Roi est mort, Vive le Roi!

S and I watched Sophia Coppola's "Marie Antoinette" last night.  I recently read Queen of Fashion: What Marie Antoinette Wore to the Revolution, so I was keen to see how accurate Coppola ended up being with the history.  It ended up being fairly accurate, and I didn't spend too much time saying, "Oh, that didn't happen."  Mostly, I ended up clarifying things for S, because there was no sense of TIME in the movie, and I think that's possibly one of the more important aspects of the Queen's story; it's important to understand that she spent millions of francs, but it's even more important to understand that she did it for 20-something years.  Knowing that can certainly shed some light on the fact that she was so hated, and for so long.  It wasn't just her fault that France went broke, and the people starved, but you can't deny she had something to do with it.  And time doesn't just affect her profligate spending; I think it's also hard to gain perspective on how hard her early life at court was unless you understand just how long she and Louis went without doing anything that might produce an heir--and then after they timidly began the consummation of their marriage, just how long she went without bearing a child.  Her position was incredibly tenous, and Coppola is trying to get that across, and I'm not sure it worked.  I'll say this:  I didn't feel half as much for Dunst's MA as I did for the book's version of the Queen.

The other thing that really bothered me was music.  I'm not against rock music in a period piece, if it's used right.  I enjoyed the use of modern music in the actually horrible (but who cares?  I still like it.) movie "A Knight's Tale", because I thought it gave something interesting to the film.  Coppola's use of punk rock is so spotty--I don't think that we heard punk for the first 50 or so minutes of the film, and that bothered me.  I believe that Coppola, in those first 50 minutes, was making a very conscious decision; the music only got loud and modern when MA's life at court began to flower.  And it's interesting to see a decked-out Queen running through Versailles (I will say, Versailles and the Petit Trianon shine in this movie; it made me want to go back to France, and I don't even really like France) to the strains of the Strokes, but it somehow turned this film into two separate pieces, and it didn't work for me.

The accelerated pace of the end didn't work for me either.  I don't think you can really understand WHY the crowds are rioting at the end.  I don't think you get a sense of just WHAT the problem actually is, and why Louis and Marie and their children are forced into a carriage and forced to leave Versailles, forever.  I did spend a few minutes after the film ended explaining just how dire things were to S, because I'm not sure the film displayed that urgency.  I did admire the last scene, and how Coppola ended the film.  At first, I thought it was a weird choice, to not show the year or two of degradation that the royal family would endure, but then, reconsidering, I decided it was actually brilliant to let a degraded room stand in for everything that would eventually happen to the family.  Sadly, though, I'm not sure that the majority of persons viewing the film do know what happened eventually (the imprisonment, the beheadings), and so I'm not sure how effective it was for everyone.  It worked for me, but I knew in detail what was about to happen. 

And actually, one of the most memorable and provoking scenes in the book, for me, is when MA, imprisoned with her young son, the Dauphin, and her daughter, the Madame Royale, hears the crowd cheering and understands then that her husband, the King, has been beheaded.  There are no courtiers around, no subjects anymore, and so it is left to MA to echo the phrase that has always been--"Le Roi est Mort, Vive le Roi!"  It is the phrase she and Louis would have heard years before, and it is a phrase that sums up her entire life.  And she said it, and short months later, the young pretender would be dead, and she herself would be dead.  She never let go of who she was, even in awful circumstances, and I'm not sure we get a sense of that from the film, either.  Which is too bad, because it's stuck with me for a few weeks.

But the film is beautiful, and lush, and it's not unpleasant to look at.  It wasn't a wasted two hours, but rather feels like a two hours that could have been so much better.  If only the movie was a little better.

New Eyes

I got some new glasses.  This is the first time I've ever used medical benefits for eye care, and let me tell you, I don't know how I lived without it before.  I chose pretty cheap frames, comparatively, with expensive lenses (apparently, the higher your prescription, the harder it is for cheap lenses to look good), because I had a coupon for 50% off the lenses.  I figured the discount was so high I could do it.  But the eye insurance couldn't be combined with the discount, so I agreed to be charged for whatever was cheaper.  And the insurance was 50% off the whole thing.  So yeah, I went with that.  My glasses would have been ridiculously expensive without either discount, but this ended up far better than I could have expected.  I love the new glasses, too.

Also, I purchased my new contact lenses through the insurance, and it saved me about $120, which is INSANE.  I have this new type of contacts now, because my eyes just weren't getting enough oxygen in the old ones, and it was messing with my ability to see.  I thought I was getting more blind, but in fact, my eyes were just mad at me.  The new ones are pretty darn comfortable, though I'm not quite as comfortable in these as the old ones.  But they're apparently the newest tech available, and as such, great for your eyes.

And that's nice, except that now I want to wear my new glasses everywhere. 

Enough with the snow already

Things seem to be exeedingly normal in the Efromano household at this moment.  I know I am dooming myself by writing this, but we seem to be in a period of little to no upheaval, which feels pretty nice.  This past week was supposed to be crazy and filled with things, but ended up being empty and moderately tired-feeling.  I'm quite sure that I got nothing done, even though we grocery shopped and did some laundry last night.  I still feel like we've sat on our asses and pissed time away.  Which we have.  And which is sometimes nice.  But it's slightly disgruntling this week, because it was supposed to be dinner out 3 nights, and ended up being dinner out none, and culminated with a slight food binge yesterday that included a delivered pizza.  I cracked.  I felt the need to eat something bad for me to make up for all the lost bad for me food that was promised with the excitement of three dinners out.

Suffice it to say, I feel guilty today, and chastened, and plan to renew my vigilance towards the diet on Sunday morning, after my planned dinner out on Saturday.  I'm sure I'll be good today too, since I feel mostly satisfied by the pizza.  Though I can't promise I won't eat a piece for dinner tonight.  We're also going to a party tonight, which is a rare thing for us to do, and for some people, that would mean danger.  (Drinks = extra calories.)  To me, the danger is that there just might be nothing there for me to drink.  Because this is sort of an odious party, in that it is thrown by S's younger (oh christ, much younger) co-workers.  He mentioned the possibility of puking, to which I say, "No thank you."  I'm too old for parties that end with puking.  Or that include puking in the middle of the party.  Parties that encompass puking in any form.  I am too old for that, and anyway, I found that distasteful even at 20. 

Also, I am not good with the drunkenness.  It reminds me too heavily of those bad bad bad college years with my alcoholic ex.  I've been known to get extremely uncomfortable in the presence of extreme drunkenness, unless I am drunk myself, which I can tell you right now, isn't happening tonight.  Not my style to get drunk at a party like this.  I prefer upscale 'dos for the drunkenness (re: my dad's wedding, my dad's annual Xmas party), and upscale drinks that I don't have to pay for.  Just about the only thing I actually can drink is hard liquor, due to the migraine factor, and something tells me there won't be Amaretto Stone Sours or Fuzzy Navels tonight.  Thus, I will be sober.  And quite possibly recoiling in horror at all the youthful drunkenness.  I'm just hoping to avoid a panic attack or a panicked command for S to bring me home.  We'll see.

The other big news in the Efromano home is the Sun Times report (actually, I think it was DeRogatis' report, and I find him horrible, so I'm not actually linking to his report, but Greg Kot's from this morning) that Pearl Jam will headline Lolla(palooza).  We didn't go to Lolla last year, because the good bands were too spread out, but you can bet PJ will be reason enough for both of us to buy tickets.  We're just going to have to decide if we want a whole festival pass or what.  Maybe I can lay out some dough and get us VIP passes or something.  Because if it's 1 million degrees out like two years ago, I'm going to need something more than a purse filled with frozen water bottles to get me through.  I kind of hope they do play Lolla, because that might ameliorate some of S's insane need to see PJ 10 times every summer they tour.  Anyway, it's all a rumor right now, so no hard and fast decisions will be made until we know more.  However, of the 50 or so words S and I exchanged this morning, the Lolla/PJ rumor took up about half.  We'll be following the Lolla news hard now.

Sigh.  Done.