Approximately, since I started WW. I haven't talked too much about it on the blog, because it's important, but it's just not THAT important. And it's intensely private for me, for whatever reasons.
That said, I'm hoping that by airing this out there, I'll be able to find some sort of motivation or drive to commit for the second time.
Seven months ago, I started this thing, and I was so good at first. I was careful and deliberate, and I planned everything out. Yes, I ate out, and I ate snacks, but always within the plan. Now, I find myself constantly ignoring my inner voice. I know that I should manage my snacks, but I don't. I know that I don't need the second whatever it is, but I eat it. And the frustrating effect of all this eating is that my stomach has gotten bigger, so that I'm hungry nearly constantly. I'm pissed off about it, and I know that I need to rededicate myself to the effort. I don't mind indulging a little when I'm doing well, but all the the indulging I'm doing is seriously bad for me. I'm still exercising, which is really good. But the lack of control (and make no mistake, it's definitely not about WHAT I'm eating right now, but the quantity. If I controlled my quantities and ate the same things, I think I'd be okay.) Of course, portion control has never been my strong suit; moderation, food and my family don't so much go together. But I had gotten to the point, in the seven months, where I was EXCELLENT at gauging my eating at home. In restaurants, I maybe didn't do so hot, but that was okay, because I was doing great at home.
Now, I'm not doing great at home, and doing even worse in restaurants. I need a refocusing tool. I think that going home, and finishing the housesitting gig will be good; I'll have my own food and my own kitchen to help me make better decisions. But I'm seriously pissed off as I sit here. How can I do this to myself? It's like I'm resigned to failure. But. No. I don't need to fail at this. There's nothing stopping me from succeeding but a bowl of Cocoa Krispies and a slice of pizza--both of which I didn't need.
I'm going to have to find my way back to a place where I can maintain/continue. I hope it doesn't take too long.
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