That about sums up today. Instead of coming back home after my visit to my mom's, I drove to Trader Joe's in the snow. And then, instead of coming home, I went to some other stores. Just because I couldn't face the thought of cleaning or doing homework, the only two things I should be doing right now. But I did eventually come home, and then I used blogs and dinner to procrastinate some more. Oh, and a fight with S.
I did actually finish one more project, which makes one class complete. Whoo-hoo. Two more to go. And then, while trying to do the assignment (oh yes, regular homework on top of final HUGE project in one class) for this week, I snapped at S when he was trying to help, and then when he snapped back (which I totally deserved) I broke down into a fit of sobbing. I'm useless, people. Useless. S rubbed my back while looking completely bored and frustrated at the same time. I cried so much that the front of my shirt is still wet. I'm not proud of it, but I feel so stretched right now. I don't fucking understand teachers who try to pack it all into the last goddamn week. The apartment is a mess, S and I have been fighting constantly (bickering, more like) and frankly, I just want to be at Disneyworld already.
I'm having a frightening realization that this isn't the end of this, oh no, just a break. I have three more damn classes to go before I have a real break, and then, that's not really a break because I have to work in a library and make another damn portfolio. I don't know how I'm going to get through it. Maybe the yoga I'm taking next quarter will help. Though maybe taking up smoking again would help more. (I'm not, so don't bitch at me. S would stop kissing me and that would be catastrophic for my mindset.) I'm hoping that the combination of a break at Disney and a class where the assignment is to read will help. I'm really, really hoping. Because man oh man, I'm in a sorry state at this moment. Grrrrr.
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