I'm a planner, and so every day when I wake up, I begin to think about what I will blog about that day. Sometimes I have a great idea and go with it, and sometimes it takes me all day/night to get there. And sometimes, I have a great plan that has to be scrapped because a better topic comes along. Today is one of those days. I was planning on blogging about the photo on the right, because there's kind of a funny story behind it, and with a vacation coming up, it seemed like a plan. However, I read a post today about blogging and judgement in the context of mothering, and I think there is more to say about it, outside of the mother/infertility topic. Because I think it is a very universal thing, judgement.
First of all, because judgement is universal, that means that we all do it. And I really do believe that no matter how non-judgemental you think you are, unless you are a strict moral relativist, you're judging someone. If you're thin, you may judge fat people, and vice-versa. If you're Christian, you may judge non-Christians, and vice-versa. If you're liberal, you may judge conservatives, and vice-versa. Does that mean it's right? Well, yes and no. We judge some things to be wrong all the time--rape, incest and genital mutilation come to mind for me as being absolute wrongs. You can't not sit in judgement of someone who rapes people, whether it be a man or woman being raped, or doing it. You can't remove the judgement; you can't justify that action. And if you can, I'm scared of you and go away.
Of course, some actions are almost always judged to be wrong, but someone may be able to convince you that the action wasn't wrong--murder can be self-defense and theft can be done to eliminate hunger of children. I'm pretty sure that if you kill someone in self-defense, you'll get in trouble--but you'll not be put to death, and the US will recognize that self-preservation is okay.
And then there are things that become strictly gray area--having 14 kids, for example, or being a homemaker (which is what my mom, at one point, called herself--which is why I use the term. If you prefer differently, Moodge, let me know and I'll change it.) are actions and choices that have no real right or wrong answers. We may think that we know the best choice in this instance, but that's about all we can say. Do I think that choosing to have 14 kids is wrong? Do you? Do you think that choosing to stay home with kids is wrong? Do I?
And here's the thing, people. We're allowed to answer these questions. I'm allowed to say that I think having 14 children in the 21st century is irresponsible parenting, no matter how much time you spend with each kid. And I'm allowed to say that I think that being a homemaker is a wonderful and fantastic, and that I'm thankful every day that my mom did it. Is it the right choice for me? Hell no! But I'm allowed to write on my PERSONAL website what I believe. And you can say whatever the fuck you want about it, but at the end of the day, if you disagree with me, and I disagree with you, we're judging one another. You think I'm wrong, and I think that you're wrong, and that's fine. I've always liked this quote (I think it's Voltaire): "I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
We judge because we're human, and frankly, we judge more piddly things than life choices. Hair, clothes, attitude--it's all fair game, isn't it? I'm not saying that we should be cruel to one another--but telling your best friend about that lady you saw on the way to work who had bangs that were three inches high, well, that's not so bad to me. Would I think it was cruel if you said it to her face? Absolutely--which was the point Akeeyu was making. You're allowed to come home and write on your blog: "Man, her hair was ugly." or "I can't believe that woman was talking about the joys of motherhood with ME in the room." You're allowed to say, "Hey, I'm pro-abortion." or "Hey, I'm anti-death penalty." And yes, you're allowed to say, "And the fuckers who are anti-abortion and pro-death penalty make NO fucking sense to me." Doesn't matter if you're being judgemental or rude--because frankly, I find the idea that I have to be "nice" all the time insulting and irritating. But that's another post: about how as women we're supposed to suck it up and be nice to everyone, all the time, and provide validation wherever it is needed. Unh-uh. Not gonna do it.
So all of you that are preaching on that thread about tolerating every woman's choices--unless you're really tolerating every choice that every woman is making, shut up. Just shut up. Because it is virtually impossible to tolerate every choice--it just is. We're really not built that way. All of us have a line beyond which things are intolerable, and for all of us, that line is different. I can't accept or condone a woman choosing to have 14 kids, I just can't. But other people don't accept or condone women loving women, and that's fine. BUT. It's only fine if we do nothing to LAWFULLY stop these things in the gray area from happening. I'm not making a law saying "WOMEN CAN'T HAVE 14 KIDS." And there can't be a law saying that "WOMEN ARE NOT ALLOWED TO LOVE WOMEN." That's what we're talking about here. I can say whatever the fuck I want about whatever the fuck I want until my words become actions like hate crimes, or injust laws. Okay? Though I hate that people preach intolerance against homosexuals, I understand that I have to allow it to make sure that I am allowed to say that homosexuals are fantastic and in fact I really adore gay men.
So that's what I think. I think.
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