I stumbled across this idea on a blog called "So the Fish Said" and it seems right up my alley. For five days, I'll post on love, on the given topics at the first link. Today's topic is to write a letter to someone you love. Here goes.
Dear Me,
I know this is rather strange, and I've been sitting here arguing with myself about doing this. But S knows that I love him, and ditto my family. But sometimes, I don't know that I love myself. Sometimes I forget that I can't love anyone fully unless I love myself enough. I've done a really good job of forgetting that, especially this last few months.
This is hard, too, because this is the kind of love you must have for the rest of your life. It's so easy to give up on love; almost too easy nowadays. But you can't give up on this. Oh sure, you can give up on yourself, but it's not a good way to go. Part of the challenge of being human, it seems to me, is coming to terms with yourself. Learning to love yourself completely, to accept who you are.
Sometimes it seems so easy to love someone else. It's so easy to overlook S's faults, because I know that underneath it all, he's an amazing, wonderful, beautiful human being. But me--my faults--are so hard to understand and accept. Why can't I be better? Why don't I look better? It's so easy to berate yourself, and so hard to compliment yourself.
And yet, at times, I feel like I barely know who I am. It's so hard to love someone who doesn't know who they are! I know that this is the hardest, longest relationship I'll ever be in. I know that some people constantly break up with themselves, constantly abuse themselves, constantly hate themselves. I try not to turn this relationship into that. I'll have to make that effort for the whole of my life. The thing is, by doing that, by making the effort with myself, I am halfway making the effort with S, and my sister, my mother, my father, my brother, my best friend--with all the people who I care for most in this world. And don't get me wrong, it would be so easy to write a love letter to those people. I have very concrete ideas about what I love about them. About why I love them. I almost wrote this letter to my sister, because even though we fight, I prize her approval and love almost above all others. I could have written this letter to S, because I feel almost sure that without him, right now I would be immeasurably poorer.
But sometimes, you just need to tell yourself that you are enough. That you actually do love who you are, when you know who that is. That the effort required to keep yourself from hating yourself is well worth it. That people will love you better if you love yourself better. We cling to these things. I cling to these things. And ultimately, I need myself. I know that. It's important to love me. I know that too.
Manogirl
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