Last night, S and I watched this Belgian movie, Ma Vie en Rose. I'd seen it before, a number of years ago. God, I think it was even in class that we watched it. Anyway, it's FANTASTIC. But it's interesting that we should be watching this movie, as my friend from high school called (not K in The Big City, but a different close friend. I'm still trying to figure out what to call her, so bear with me.). We hadn't talked since our mutual friend A's wedding, and we started to talk about him, and this wedding. I'm trying to be tactful, and also very careful, but suffice it to say that many of us were suprised when A decided to get married in a church, if you catch my drift. My friend and I were discussing my feelings on the matter, which go something like this: A is a big boy, and all I want for him is happiness. My worry is that one day, when he has a family, he'll look back and realize he ran too hard from what he was scared of.
Now, Ma Vie en Rose is about a little boy named Ludovic. And Ludo, he wants to be a girl. Or, really, he thinks he is a girl. He has this theory that he's a "girlboy", because when god was tossing out his letters, his other X went into the garbage can and he got an XY. Purely scientific, he says. The movie is really about the family's struggle with Ludo's very young, but very sure identity and sexuality. In the end, they realize that whatever bigotry and hate they'd experienced in one town needn't carry over to another, and that it's just Ludovic. They love him no matter how he conceives of himself. It's very sweet. I think I actually said to S during the movie, "I think I'd be the kind of mom who let's my little boy wear skirts if he wants." Because the thought of having a gay child, or a transsexual child, even, doesn't scare me so much. I thought the movie was perfect in conveying that idea--that it's simply an identity, among many. And I thought the way Ludovic's siblings dealt with him was sweet. Scared of his proclivities, yes, but in the end, they just loved him for him. Really, if you can bear an hour and a half of subtitles, you should rent it. It's not really about being gay, or being a transsexual, but about being you.
So back to my friend from high school. I know that there are a lot of religions in the world where being spiritual and being gay are mutually exclusive. But I also know that there are so many good places for lesbians and gay men to find an open, accepting place in a house of God. I sometimes wish that fundamentalism hadn't been the brand of Christianity my friends embraced, because there might have been more leeway for them to explore their identities, and learn themselves. As it is, I feel sad that perhaps, one day, I will have a friend bitterly unhappy with his life. Or, perhaps not. Perhaps he loves the girl, and they will be happy forever. It's definitely possible. I only wish for his happiness, and I know that when you shut one half of yourself off, the possibility becomes more remote.
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