Quodlibets

I've started a second blog,

I've started a second blog, but it's not going to be like this one. I'd like to have a place to record every book I read, and since I've started checking out library books, and suck at keeping a journal, I decided just to blog books. It will be dry. Really short descriptions, or reactions, if anything, about the books. They will all be linked to, hopefully through independent bookstores when possible. Even though I am, by necessity, now a bargain shopper, I truly still love independent bookstores, and so will urge you to at least occassionally frequent one. When at all possible.
I'll only update the new blog when I finish a book. Could be every day, or could be once a week. I rarely take longer than a week to finish a book, so if for some reason you need a book recommendation, or want to know what I'm reading, here's the place to find that. Consequently, I'm removing the "Books I Read" category on the sidebar. Now it's just gonna be songs on the sidebar.

And yes, I'm going to include EVERY book I read, including the romance novels. Though I'm off them, right now, and am going through a RABID non-fiction phase. It goes in waves.

For some reason, lots of

For some reason, lots of people are blogging quiz results today. I took one "Are you sketchy?" quiz, and sadly, I was only 6% sketchy. I'm just not. Not sketchy. Not sketchy at all, and I'd wager any money that S wouldn't be sketch-ball at all.

Here's the other quiz result, that I liked better: (and you can see why)

Blue is the color of intelligence and
faithfulness, but also of infinity and dreams.
Periwinkles represent friendship, memory
and gratefulness. You must be a very clever
person, a little clumsy or shy, and inspite of
your intellect, you are very dreamy.

What flower - color association are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

S and I drove down

S and I drove down to the city tonight to have dinner with my sister, and our friend T, at possibly the most wonderful Indian restaurant in the world. We all ate far too much (except maybe for S, who reserves his praise for Indian food for the naan, and his first five bites of samosa) and it was good to see T again, since we never, ever see him. He's been invited to my sis's housewarming party, so maybe we'll see him twice in two weeks. Nothing short of a miracle.
S and I, due to our warm response to Katrink's new apartment, spent a good bit of the ride home discussing a possible move to the big city. Everyone seems to think that I'd love it, but I think I'd be a wreck. I'm willing to give it a go, but I don't know if I'd be very good at it. I think S would feel inspired by the urban landscape, in terms of his photography. I think there are things I'd like: the food, the opportunities to shop, and the proximity to good people. But I also think, and I think Katrink agrees with me, I'm far too paranoid to live in the city. I think bad things will happen to me here. Let alone there! There's only one city that I know I feel at home in, and that's Rome. But S seems rather intrigued by the prospect of moving downtown, so we'll see. Maybe we'll try to move into Katrink's building. Wouldn't that be fucked up? She'd kill us.

Also on the way home, we started talking about the idea of consequences, and responsibility. I think Americans have this willful disregard for consequences, this complete lack of understanding of culpability. Man, if you eat fast food six times a week, you might gain weight! If you let your kid climb over a barrier three-and-a-half feet high with a big sign on it saying "Don't!" and your kid gets hurt, whose fault is it? Uh, yours. So sorry, but there is such a thing as fault. If you have sex without a condom, baby or STD. But people don't think about consequences. Their actions are simply their actions. They can't understand the consequences for themselves, let alone for other people. It's simply too much, personal responsibility. We started talking about this subject in reference to the election, because I said that I don't think people necessarily understand the consequences of their vote. But I mostly think that people don't understand the consequences of anything. If you carry hot coffee on your lap, it might spill. I mean, come on. We can't accept blame for anything, and it's so disturbingly sad.

At this point, and S was mainly agreeing with me, our attention was drawn elsewhere--there were TONS of flashing lights at one of the main intersections near our apartment. It didn't affect our drive, but all ways in and out of this intersection were closed off, which is really unheard of, especially as these are MAJOR roads. The redirection of traffice was causing quite a problem in the strip malls all around, and S and I lost the fight against our curiousity, and tried to get closer to the crash. We could see it must be bad, but that's about all. There were a suprising number of gawkers standing on the high grass embankments on two corners of the intersection, and we could see a firefighter trying to get those people to move. It was kinda surreal. We're now watching the news at 10, trying to find out the deal. Isn't that awful? We're such busybodies.

Or rather, Halo 2 is

Or rather, Halo 2 is hell. I thought I could probably ignore the shooting and dying and lame music and all that other video game crap, but it's increasingly hard. Every minute that I'm forced to watch the stupid game becomes more and more awful. I'm finally getting a break, due to my insistence that I watch a certain TV show. S agreed, and now, thank god, there's no shooting.

I hate video games. Theoretically. Some video games are alright. I went through a very long Animal Crossing addiction, and it was incredibly enjoyable. I also enjoyed Harvest Moon for a short while. These, however, are bona fide girl games. Men may enjoy them, but let's face it, running a farm and hugging your cows? Most boys would rather shoot someone or throw a ball. And I don't really object to sports games, but shooting games really make me unhappy. It's unfortunate, isn't it, that S loves shooting games? In Halo, at least you're not killing humans. They're aliens, which is only slightly better than killing humans. Zombies and aliens at least aren't real.

Ah well. At least there is an hour's reprieve. Keep me in your thoughts, and if you hear that I've had a breakdown, you'll know why.

S and I are watching

S and I are watching Aladdin. He bought it for me a while ago, because I mentioned that I liked it. It certainly brings me back. It's a very good movie--one of the last, best, true Disney cartoons. Robin Williams is ridiculous. S thinks that he'd shit if he ever saw him live, he'd be laughing so hard. And after watching the live special, I have to concur. If S and I saw Robin Williams live, we'd have to wear Depends to the show. I've always felt that part of the reason Aladdin is so good is that the Disney animators animated the genie for the adults in the audience, and Robin Williams really plays to adults--his impressions, his intonations--he just plays to adults. The humor is adult, in many ways, and yet, in the way that Disney used to be so good, plays on both levels.

We also had chicken patties for dinner, which could very well be one of the uber-nosalgic meals of all time. Chicken patties smell and taste like the cafeteria in your elementary school, and not in a bad way. In a good way. It's like comfort food. For my part, I didn't eat a lot of school lunches, at least not that I remember. They became a bit of a treat, at least as a little kid; now I associate them with some sort of specialness. So a chicken patty with ketchup, well, that's just the ultimate in treats. Chicken patties, mac n' cheese, and corn niblets. I felt like I was a kid again.

In other news....we're off to the Star of India (hopefully) on Wednesday night, and it can't be soon enough. That's another comfort food, Indian. Ummmmm. I can just taste it....

S conceded that yes, eventually

S conceded that yes, eventually Pixar will make a bad movie. But then he said, "....but it will still probably be good, it just won't go over."
To which I replied, "Okay, but then you'll still probably like it. You know, there is an off-chance that Pixar will make an actually bad movie that you will hate."
His reply? He's not very "convinced" about Cars, the next Pixar movie. But he also said he wasn't sure about the Incredibles, and on the way out of the parking lot, he told me it might now be his favorite Pixar movie. The point is, S loved the Incredibles. And you will too, I promise. Just get your butt into a movie seat and see it. Well, okay, I'll admit I have a few friends who don't do the animation thing. And no judgement, really, but maybe try this one. It's less "kiddie" than the other ones. Really.

The only other odd thing that happened today, aside from the crying fit I had while having blood drawn, (Yes, I am a baby, and no, I cannot control it. And for the record, OF COURSE it doesn't hurt as much as you think it will, but that isn't the point, is it?), was that S told me that he got "tense" when the Star Wars preview played before the movie tonight. I'm not sure what that means, but it seems pretty freakish, doesn't it? I'm just not all that into the whole Star Wars thing anymore. I think Lucas has dirtied the whole magnificent thing with his icky re-do of the trilogy, and now his crappy-as-hell "pre-quels". I can hold a grudge, and I'm doing so, at least until the original trilogy shows up on dvd. <<sigh>> If it still exists in that form.

So S is excited about Star Wars III, and I'm just not. The midnight show will kill me, because I sort of want to be there, but sort of don't. So I'll probably doze off, like I did during "The Return of the King." Man, was the end of that movie boring. If I had to look into Frodo's eyes once more I was going to die from boredom and apathy. And I don't expect anything better of "Revenge of the Sith", honestly. People in costumes, lines, blah blah blah. Oh, the agony. Part of me thinks I should just wait until it dies down a little, and I can go without seeing a living, breathing Darth Maul as part of my movie experience. But then S will go to the movie, and he'll come home and be unable to hold in the part where Yoda kicks ass, and oh, that one part....
I'm doomed, see?

I've only been able to

I've only been able to listen to three CDs since Tuesday. Apologies to my music-loving friends, but here they are:
-Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold....blah blah blah (I can never remember the last name.)
-Transatlantacism by Death Cab for Cutie. The more I listen to it, the more I like it.
and, the saddest one of all
-Enya's greatest hits

Look, I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I have tried other CDs, and they just don't work. Tapestry, something I would normally love, made me want to rip my hair out. So I put Ben Folds back in and sighed. I'd like to listen to other music, but my brain is just stopping me.

I'm trying not to read too many blogs, too often, but I'm having a hard time. My mom accused me of being only able to see "doom and gloom" but the truth is, I'm not alone. Someone, and I really can't remember who, said, "Things are certainly going to get worse before they get better." And it's true. It's true.
I just don't understand how people can put these (in my head, dubious) "moral issues" ahead of people dying in Iraq. It seems like some of these moral issues force these people to contradict themselves. Electing GW is great if you're pro-life, at least if you're a fetus. Because I can't figure out another instance where he might be pro-life. He's sending young men and women to their deaths, he's killing Iraqis by the dozen, he believes in the death penalty, and frankly, he's abandoning the children already born. So if that's your reasoning, then you've got a screw loose, as far as I can tell. Or you're shallowly interested in life, which is sick, and wrong. Perhaps, sometimes, those who are pro-choice end up having more of a respect for life than the actual self-called "pro-life" movement.

I just think somewhere, those people have gone wrong. They've narrowed their "moral lense" so much that they've missed the larger moral issues. Democrats aren't immoral, but they're concentrating on the moral issues that affect a broader cross-section of Americans. Gay marriage doesn't somehow morally corrupt America, but not funding childcare programs, it will. It will.

I'm not a happy camper

I'm not a happy camper right now. Okay, I'm never a happy camper. And now, not only am I fed up with the US, I'm fed up with more mundane things. Can anything ever go right?

I'm going to a wedding tomorrow night, so I sheduled a hair cut for this afternoon. Well, they just called and cancelled it. I understand completely; my stylist is pregnant and needed to go to the emergency room for something. I don't begrudge my stylist the need to go to the doctor. But man, I was really counting on this haircut. My hair is shaggy and icky right now, and it flips up every single day, due to it's length. So I guess I'll have ugly hair tomorrow. Fine, okay. But then, see, since my salon is a half hour away, where I used to live, I planned activities for the evening there. S works in the same area, so I decided I would go visit him. And then I planned a dinner for after that, since I was going to be out there anyway. Not anymore. Only now, I do have to be out there. Sometimes, doesn't it just seem that nothing goes our way?

And, S didn't take the garbage out this morning. He didn't throw the dry, icky cake away--never mind that he left it out on the counter. And he worked late this morning! He should have had time. I actually went to work this morning, even though when I woke up my head was still pounding from the migraine that came on like a ton of bricks last night the minute I laid down for bed.

I am just done. I'm exhausted and it's not stopping. It's going to be a long year. I maybe shouldn't have taken the job. I don't know.

Well, I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed

Well, I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed to be an American. Not because Bush won, even though that really sucks. I'm ashamed because the reason Bush won (as far as I can see) is because the majority of Americans are bigots. Eleven states have, as of this morning, banned gay marriages. And not only that, but several of these states passed ban on civil unions. It makes me sick to know that so many Americans are willing and sadly able to discriminate against fellow Americans. I'm just sad. I'm sad that people are allowed to do this. In 50 years, when we look back, I hope we realize how wrong, and pathetic it is. In my mind, this is no different from racism in the 50's. Same thing. You can justify racism with stupid, ugly reasons, and you can justify homophobia (even though it's more akin to hate than fear) with stupid, ugly reasons too. That doesn't make it right. There will be a reckoning, I'm sure of it. Someday, we'll figure out how to erase this evil, and make it right. I only hope that those who we've hurt can somehow forgive those of us who are complicit. And make no bones about it, if you live in one of those 11 states, and you didn't vote, you're complicit. You're just as bad as them.
Frankly, Mary Cheney should be ashamed of herself. She let her father use her sexuality against the country. No one is saying it, but isn't the reason Bush won the fact that gay marriage was on so many ballots?

As for me, well, I've temporarily suspended my belief in a higher being. I can't, I just can't believe a higher power would let this happen. Two things have been going through my brain all day. One is the poem I posted before this. I know it's about death, but it's also about mourning, and grief. The other is a little lamer (I hate to say), and I don't necessarily really feel this way, but here goes. I've been thinking of the prayer from "Forrest Gump". Forrest and Jenny kneel in a corn field and she says, over and over again, "Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away." I don't really want to leave. But I sort of do. I mean, I want to leave anyway, no matter what, and go and live in Italy. This just makes that dream THAT much more exciting.

My friend T im'ed me earlier and asked me, "What do we do now?"

I wish there was an answer.

put out every one: Pack

put out every one: Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods: For nothing now can ever come to any good.

WH Auden