Fonder, I hope. I know for me, absence makes the heart grow fonder. S is in San Diego, visiting his brother and trying not to fall in the ocean while taking pictures of the sunset. I have this fear of him climbing on a rock somewhere on the coast and falling into the surf. Let me tell you, that time in Monterrey, when he was perched precariously on a rock and it started to rain, I was scared shitless. Jumping from rock to slippery rock? Not a good idea.
People always tell me it's silly to miss him when he's only gone for a couple of days, but when you spend so much time in the company of one person, you tend to miss them when they're not there. And it's not missing, so much, that I am doing, but (how to describe it?)....
Certain things have been kind of nice. I like being noisy in the morning, and not having to tiptoe around while getting ready for class this morning was good. And I like the fact that the house is spotless. I keep things clean, he doesn't so much. And, much to his chagrin, I'm sure, I was able to have some cigarettes without feeling completely guilty. I don't smoke, you see, but I used to, and boy do I miss it. (Anyone who tells you they don't, be skeptical. I don't so much like the taste of cigs, but I simply adore doing it. I quit for S, and because I knew it would save me money, and because hey, smoking is actually bad for you. So a stolen cig here and there? Faaaaaantastic.) Okay, I do feel guilty. But only because I know S will read this and he'll be disappointed. Still.
Anyway, I do feel like everything would just be a little nicer if he were here. I don't want to get sappy, but he makes it all worth it. Even if I'm yelling at him to move his socks, or he's trying to drag me away from cooking a dinner that I am ridiculously hungry for, I still wouldn't want it any other way. I like the mundane things, like going grocery shopping together, and talking about our days. I like showing him my silly yoga moves, and telling him how stupid I looked. I like hearing his work gossip, and knowing what he's thinking about the situation there. People always talk about how great passionate love is, and they're right, it is. But you know, part of me finds the simplicity of companionship just as great. I don't think the person you love has to be the only companion you have, but it's really good if that person is a great friend and companion. And that's what S is to me. I love him passionately, but I also like him.
Okay, this is getting ucky. I'm sorry. What can I say? I'm sappy. And he's not here.
Comments