I'm in a very pensive mood. I know I should just let go of this friendship in my life, but it's so hard, because, and this is the only way to think of it, I've loved him so hard over the past few years. This is very uncharacteristic of me, to keep trying so hard, and to keep be rebuffed so hard. I'm putting myself in this vulnerable position, and I keep going through this cycle where I'm ending up down on myself.
I should just give up. I rationally know that. But I keep thinking--we were so close, how can it just end? I'm pretty sure this person knows how much I miss having him around, and if he doesn't feel the same way am I some kind of loser to keep throwing myself out there? I just feel like if it can be salvaged it should be, because I feel like my life is less for not having him around. When are you supposed to quit? Obviously, something inside me won't let me quit, because I'm not doing it.
And I still get sad. I still am sadly hopeful. I don't know what's left.
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